bleah...where has my appetite gone? whatever..can lose weight to get into my swimsuit for nxt week's camp....
i desperately need to do some stuff to occupy me! something extreme..i'm thinking of stuff like wakeboarding and horse-riding but i know all these thoughts are shit! because i will never do it...
going to start with something simple..maybe swimming bah..there's something about swimming that challenges me..maybe it's because i used to be terrified of depths..i only truly learned how to swim when i was in jc..and there were pe swimming every tuesday..had to swim fast in order not to be the last..it was tiring man! but what really challenges me is that i can't go on swimming like i can keep on running when i'm breathless and gasping for air..when i'm running.. i can go as long as i want if i tell myself to..when i'm swimming..it's a different matter. no matter how hard i persuade my body to continue swimming..i can't! maybe i shall master swimming during the remaining time before uni starts..
i'm also going to go running every monday to friday..and the weekends shall be my rest day..mark my words..i'm going to wake up at ten and go running everyday! at least three rounds around the park...
and i'm going to pack my house before i enter the hostel..so that if it's messy on weekends when i go home..no one can point the finger! guess the weekends shall be my laundry days! bleah..more housework...my mother is a super woman man..doing everything without complaining...
haiz..i'm just typing nonsense now..all this is a facade to block my emotions..i am so bloody angry at myself..for reasons only i myself know..i wanna cry over spilt milk..i wanna get a cat to lick all the milk up..because i'm angry with myself for being so careless as to drop the milk! argh!! i wish i could be angry at someone else...but no..no one else is making me angry..only i am able to rake up this rage in myself..and there is only one solution..but it's not going to happen..not for the moment at least...until time helps..i will still be angry with myself.....
thinking back..i used to be a cheerful piece of shit......
