The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.

been crazy busy these days with the interviews. i've neglected everything. sleep. sch work. family. even bitbit. but i try really hard to make up for it by hugging her to sleep everynight.

something i'm not neglecting though is food. it seems that my appetite gets huger from stress. so while everyone looks trimmer from stress and heartache, i go the other way unfortunately. have been gobbling down everything in sight.

and anyways in a bid to calm my nerves down before my interviews and to cancel a little of the sleep debt, i took a short nap in at noon today. and i dreamt of like sooo many things in that half an hour. and i dreamt that i was gonna make the above bag, but someone (my sec 2 classmate..dunno where she apparated from) beat me to it, so i'm gonna announce here that i have the intention to make it alright! there CHOPE!

and i had to wear closed toed shoes for the interview today after a long long time. lesson learnt - always cut your toenails before wearing closetoes..yea that explains the title...

and interviews went good today. no stammering. no breaking down. my first interviewer was super nice and chatty so that got rid of the nerves a little.

i'm really thankful for all the friends around me who helped me through today. i really hate interviews and all the prep from everyone gave me a little boost to get through them. thanks sher, brain, joy, lianeee, car! all ur words and advice really helped in some way or other today. i'd be a total ball of mess otherwise.

and i saw a double rainbow today when i was with brain. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
it seems like there's a hundred and one things for me to do this week and yet i still choose to spend my time on additional playtime. lan with the closer 19 ppl on monday. airport with car and serena on tuesday. 7k on thurs. dinner and supper with 19 on friday. so i guess i can't complain for the lack of sleep i had. but a few friends in school have mentioned how tired i look. thank god the mid-sem break is here. but it's gonna be occupied by pre-reg interviews more than sch work or rest anyways.

i wish i haven't been so obtrusive since it seems to be bringing more hurt than good. have been really impertinent these days..true some good have came out of it..but who am i to meddle? i'm just one of them fallen ones.

it seems that my head and heart are really two separate entities. been feeling really unhinged the entire day. it was difficult trying to fall asleep last night. and tired as i was, i could not nod off on the train.

thank god for the cheeriness around me. didn't want to but i finally dragged my ass down to LAN with sab, greg and titus. i hope i didn't ruin the game for sab...but i enjoyed supper and the group joyride in titus' pickup after! we managed to take a group photo at one of the red lights..if you squint real hard, you'll see greg's nose behind heeee

and i know you'll be reading this so B and S i hope i haven't made the irreparable more broken. just want the mangled pieces to be picked up.

haven't been here for a long while but since when have i blogged when i'm contented. (:

this week was...crazily disturbing. i have battle wounds that look half like i contracted some weird 1800s skin disease and half like i wanted to slash my wrist but was too inebriated to do so.

but after it all, i still want to uphold my plans..a happy occasion calls for gift bringing. so lucky you..more shopping money huh...

ran on two consecutive days at the start of the week and my knees felt so busted, i had to hang my head and asked my mum for another knee guard. )): more swimming then i guess.

our last go at seapex today was rather uneventful. food was mediocre. on my left was joy, on my right was bernice. who was flanking me from body odour guy and saliva guy respectively. haha i'm sorry but their complains made me laugh for awhile. and we did have fun pushing secret ahems to each other. i'm ahem-less though )): OMG BERNICE..I FOUND UR FRENCH GUY!!! poor thing has the flu..haha..go see...and drool...

spent the later part of the night looking around katong area for lan shops with the 19 people. yes i know. but we ended up at greg's for texas poker haha.

it's freaking 4am and all i can think of are the killers and cheeseeeee...

busy day today..time to head to bed!
i can't believe half the weekend flew past just like that..but it was a good one. gonna end the weekend early and start working on school assignments. hadn't posted photos for a good while..so this is gonna be a photo post.



the guys dressed really preppy-ish that day when coincidentally the preppy theme was for the jc guys!

school is getting really fun these days..lots of stuff to laugh over..i can't rem much of them but some are really awesome ones like parry pretending to be wong fei hong as well as cherie and *ahem*...



booo i think everybody looks really good here but i had to half-close my eyes..miraculously the girls finally outnumbered the guys..

dinner ended early and we headed to greg's for mj and left4dead (boo sher..don't go get addicted along with sab and greg and everyone else kay!! i'll be left alone in my non-l4d world). sab and i squeezed into titus' pickup for the journey to greg's..and between the shouting above the too loud music in the pickup and the scissors paper stone game sab and i played deciding our seats, i think i was left with a sore throat this morning when i woke up. was super nasal..my mum and sis kept hearing photo when i said toto..

after hozzy and huilin left to catch the last train, we played texas poker while waiting for dhana. i know it was only chips but my hands were trembling from all the raising of stakes..argh!! don't wanna know what would happen if i was playing with real money. and during this time, we forgot to check our phones and totally missed dhan's calls and smses. )):

he was already bathed and almost in bed. but we had to meet him for supper coz it was his last day in singapore.

i made a bad bad mistake and queued for indian food during lunch..totally forgeting that we would be having indian fare for dinner as well. i was really sick of indian food after dinner. but guess what. we headed to a prata place for supper! by then i could not bring myself to order any food because i couldn't stand any more indian food.

but we had the funniest nonsensical talk over drinks. we hung out til 4am and all of us were delirious and high..well i was! we were talking bout stuff like 'unibrow or moustache?', 'three eyes or one eye?'. and get this..'three nostrils or one nostril?' ahahaha greg said that if we had one nostril we would look like vacuum cleaners!!



went to the airport to collect her cake and it was really humongous! like hugeee...it's from secret recipe and i'll be more than happy to bring cake to anyone who wants it. met greg there since he was studying at the airport. and because he was carrying the cake from the airport til the train station, i didn't know how heavy it was 'til i alighted at tampines. was staggering the last few steps home...

we went to putian at tm for dinner and omg. i'm a putian convert! dintaifeng is nowhere near.





we all had our own wooden soup bowls..the sea cucumber was amazing and so was the white fungus dessert!

walked around with the family as we were all really stuffed. and i saw an amazing pair of shoes from c&k again. ))): i wanna so buy it. but the heels are really high..think of the knees agnes think of the knees!

then sher called to say that we had like 20mins to rush to the airport to see dhan off coz we thought his flight was later. was running walking skipping all the way..but we made it! taiwan in june when you get back kay!




happened a week back last sunday! we had a theme - COLOUR RUSH. where we had to come as many colours as possible. winner has the most colours. and titus had to bring his mum's scarf coz he wanted to win. haha it was a fight between sab and titus but titus won because sab didn't have grey! until we found out she had grey eyeshadow when we were on our way home!!


played sab's drinking game and here's the last four of us who stayed til the end of the deck of cards!

the guys photowhoring while we were in the toilet.


haha super gay..



haha we looked like two separate groups of people.




happened even further back in jan before cny, here's the guys taking turns to act the nerd and the stylo milo..



them peeking into the adult sex shop tsk tsk!



and so it's the end of the week already. really amazing how you should really take some time to grieve and pore over stuff instead of pushing it all away at the back of one's head. the lament's all almost gone already. thank you those who lent a ear or gave cheer.

and you too serena..omg the last two lines of your post was so touching ))): yea we will be!

met the a few of the class people for dinner today before they went to play lan..haha didn't follow this time round. i just can't game for nuts.

had dinner with sher instead and shopping after. haha i'm actually quite excited for the indian food day that sher came up with for tomorrow. MAINLY because of the food and also because there's a bollywood theme! haha..guys have it easier coz they can choose between bollywood and preppy. since he and sab tied for champs the last time round we did a theme thing..titus wants to take up the challenge and do bollywood ahaha..so he's gonna borrow my bangles i don't know how he's gonna look maann..

and it's not yet the end of the week but i'm tons better already. hearing stories from different people showed me that i'm not in this alone. i'm not some dud. i guess it was actually the turn of events that culminated in this. but i'm really glad it happened. some reason or another.

i know it's a little too fleeting..but i feel way better already today.

of course partaking with the correct people helps loads. when i'm worried bout sharing is that i get kicked in the back while doing so which someone has already done. breah...

tonight's sesh with serena has been really heartwarming. estranged for so long but still being able to talk about our deepest feelings. you better not become a stranger again serena ang!

it's hard to be sad when you're surrounded with happy gay people.

had an impromptu dinner with brian today. didn't plan it but we just happened to meet. had a good time chatting with him. he's one of the few who'll understand what i'm feeling now..mainly because he's in this whole hodgepodge right from the start. and coz he's one of the few who knows what i mean and don't tell me the usual stuff. i know the usual stuff. and i certainly don't feel like that.

and guess what! we bumped into gilbert..it's too coincidental..haha good ol' bert..it's weird how i rem not talking much to him in the past but he's such a easygoing funny person. told me all the funny stuff brian and him did in their primary school days. and he reminded me about all the animal names we had..omg how young were we!! haha i named lim cow, so he named me pig. brian was dog, gilbert was naturally bird, ling was platyPUSSY haha, and kenny was monster.

and now i haven't done any of the marketing...gonna stay up til at least 3am to finish it i guess. and thanks for the concern. (: i'm really not good at sharing but there are people out there who i'm sharing stuff with so i'm good. i just need to mope around a bit more. and i'm posting here because it's my idea of a vent.