The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.

i wonder what it means when you don't really care bout putting yourself in life-threatening situations without giving second thoughts bout it. walking through a dark alley without a qualm. reckless driving. disobeying the natural rules of work. numbed. seriously so numbed.

had a friend bare his/her soul out to me recently, and it just brought the past back in a rush to me. all the what ifs and what nots. i never regretted my decision. this year would be a decade since we met.

nobody knew so much bout me. or stood so much of my nonsense. and the most heart-renching bit? i never knew how much agony i caused until now. we don't talk anymore but if i had a chance, i'd want to let you know how sorry i am.

be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr Seuss.

tiny steps...well i guess the new year is looking up.


i hope!

so at the start of 2010, i said that it was gonna be the best year yet. turns out to be otherwise. rated against my 24 years...i think it's way at the bottom. i got what i wished for last birthday. but still wasn't happy.

it's that time of the year where resolutions are being made once again. just 2 days before new year, i sat down with car and andrea and we wanted to write our group's resolution on a napkin and bury it for the year, only to open it come 2012.

it made me think of my personal resolutions. i wanted nothing big, nothing concrete, more of spiritual stuff. so here's what i came up with:

To build better relationships with the people i'm close to. especially the family. somehow i can't handle r'ships well, anything goes wrong, i clam up and bottle it up. not such a good idea because first of all, it doesn't solve the situation and next, eventually when it hits my threshold, that's it. game over.

My ***ing battles. not comfortable enough to spell it out yet. not sure if this would hinder my overcoming it. but i really do hope to find peace with this battle. used to be able to handle it so well. but people around me, they aren't exactly helping. and i tell myself to ignore them. it's me, my health, my own determination. but i can't. so i know it's gonna be an uphill task. i prob wouldn't be able to go cold turkey and quit it all at once. but i hope it cut it down. strength agnes strength.

Complete my first full marathon. no more signing up for ten thousand different runs. i'm just gonna try to keep it to those strategic few. hopefully just stanchart. but no i've alr signed up for the 2xu run. mehh. and this time i'm gonna finish the full marathon. on my own efforts. no more excuses.

2010 was a disgusting year. seriously. i'm hoping with all my might 2011 might be the fresh start i need so badly.